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The invisible pain: Faith Thorpe talks about depression

27 October 2017

Faith Thorpe, from the Senior Citizens’ Media Group, follows the example of boxer Frank Bruno and opens up about depression

After watching the boxer Frank Bruno talk about his battle with depression, it kind of made me come out talking a little bit about my experience.

They say it is good to talk – but that is something I find hard to do. You see depression is not really talked about, especially in the black community, and especially with my family.

All my life I have suffered from severe depression. There is no set pinpoint to what started this off, but a lot has contributed to it.

Well, to be honest, it is not something I wish to talk about. People may look at me and say, “But you look fine.” They do not see the turmoil going on inside of me.

One minute I’m on top of world then my emotions can switch before you turn the light on.

I’ve never been really happy, especially as a child. I have had a few counselling sessions, but to be honest this made things worse. The counsellors wanted to talk about my childhood. When I say I don’t want to talk about it or cannot remember, it comes to a sudden halt.

My church tried to help me, but they said my issues were too deep for them, and I was confused, so I left. After many breakdowns my doctor referred me to a psychiatrist in my local hospital.

I was seeing this nice lady for a few months, until one day she said, “I’ve got a lot going on,” and she needed to refer me to someone else. To say I was annoyed is an understatement. Just when I was getting used to this person she abandons me – not her fault really.

So here I am on a six-month waiting list. What does one do in the meantime? For me, I try and keep myself occupied. Doing little courses like IT and sewing. These lift my spirits somewhat.

Depressions bring on many things: for me it’s my health. At times I feel lonely, even though I have great people around me. Confusion, anger and trust – going through this stuff I find it hard to trust people.

I was taught just to “get on with it”. Not easy though, when there are days when I can feel a dark cloud over me. I physically have to force myself to get up. My health has deteriorated over the years. I have diabetes and other associated things.

I have been off work for a few years and I do want to go back, or have my own business, as I am still gorgeously young and willing. So I’m working towards this – and, as they say, Rome was not built in a day.

Picture credit: griggzz on

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